Why am I here?
Every single moment, since the beginning of everything, souls are coming and going from this earth, from this existence, from this reality. Every. Single. Moment. The internet tells me that 4.3 people are born and 1.8 people die every second, on average. (So, when it is my turn to die, I wonder if I am the 1 or the 0.8 😊.)
Much of my adult years, I have been aware of this question: Why am I here? It seems to be a constant background hum underneath the monkey-mind that is most of my daily awareness. It may manifest in a number of different ways, and it often bubbles up during quiet times or liminal space times or dark-night-of-the-soul times, and sometimes a hint of this unasked question may overwhelm me with some fleeting insight.
I believe now that as a child, I didn’t need to ask myself this question as I completely understood why I was here, why I was born on June12th, 1956 in Youngstown, Ohio to Fred and Mary Dieter, and that I was as sure of my understanding of that reason as I was of my next breath. I believe that I brought with me to this world the answer to that question. But like most of us, I have forgotten it now, left it behind, allowed it to be replaced with the daily tasks needed to be human, to continue on in this mortal body.
Along the way, I have gathered snippets of understanding, of possibility, from my fellow travelers. From those who have come and gone before me and left an earthly legacy of their wisdom, and those that are in the here and now, no matter their physical distance from me. In those moments of learning, sharing, borrowing from those that have been able to pick the low-hanging fruit of the collective consciousness and make it accessible, I have been able to connect the dots. In those moments of mystery, awe, and wonder, I am aware of these gifts that I suggest we call serendipity.
A tiny example of some of the metaphors, paradigms, and perspectives that come to me as I write this morning:
Father John Tully, a mentor and teacher in high school and beyond, suggested that each day may present the ONE moment, the ONE opportunity, the ONE challenge that we were put here to be part of. That our whole life may exist as a kind of before-and-after for that ONE thing we do to impact the human journey of another. Think about how that informs your approach to the day ahead.
The concept that the big picture is actually some type of puzzle, and each of us an infinitesimal piece equally important to all the others. We are incapable of understanding this while earth bound, as we live our life with all its suffering and confusion and “why me?” The question “Why do bad things happen to good people?” may have an answer that can only be understood once we have left this life.
The metaphor that we are each like a droplet of water that splashes upward briefly from a large pool, suddenly free and on our own, having escaped the collective, heading upward and outward as we realize our independence, only to find that soon enough we are called back to the safety and necessity of the pool.
The first hand descriptions from those who die and then are resuscitated (Near Death Experience – NDE) that contain consistent themes no matter the life lived, location, faith or type of death, and one common theme unconditional love. Their new life here altered in a profound way, and no fear of their next death. I will devote a post or two about the fascinating NDE, but another common experience is that the human language seems to be inadequate for describing what happens. The music and colors and emotions and senses are so intermingled and multifactorial that our words cannot make sense of it. I mention this because I have, on at least 3 occasions, had a glimpse of what this may be like. Fully alive and awake, probably more awake than 99% of my life, brief sporadic moments of understanding that made my human shell unnecessary. No drugs, no hypoxia. I was part of IT all and I was home.
Ram Dass is known for his belief that “we are all just walking each other home”. I believe this now as well. I think he stated what I have been realizing my entire life. This metaphor, and concept, takes me out of my shell and allows me to journey with equals. It invites me, if I choose, to recognize the stumbling blocks of comparison and judgement that make my walk and your walk so difficult. Is this all a test? Is this all a “school” of sorts? Is this all a wonderful opportunity, that we cannot fully appreciate until we are “home”?
The ancient Celts inspire me. They seemed so engrained in this world, seeing the sacred and non-physical in everything. They talked of “thin places,” geographical locations where this world and the world of our deceased loved ones are nearly inseparable. They shared the ideas that simply bringing to mind a deceased loved one allows them to be present with us, and that as we die, the veil between us and where are heading next can part, allowing us to see and feel what is truly all around us. I have been privileged to be with people who have experienced that… and there are no words. The dying indeed are our teachers.
So, I wonder, why do you think YOU are here?
I had planned to write about spiritual pain for this post, but the serendipity recently changed my course briefly. With this post as a starter, next time I will share some insights recently from two beautiful souls. In the meantime.
Bas Sona.